peter:my name's peter quill, but you might know me by another name
korath:what?
peter:*whips on sunglasses* bert macklin, fbi

schmalerie:

thatisnotahat:

I’ve been watching this for 5 minutes and giggling like an idiot.

theofficiallnb

wewerenotthefirst:

dude, what if a prince is cursed to be a dragon but instead of being upset by it, they’re like ‘hell yeah i’m a dragon’ and they spend weeks finding the perfect decrepit castle to haunt and try to convince their fiancé to be a princess in the tower ‘just for like a week’ and everyone is like ‘we can break the fucking curse’ and the prince is like ‘but i’m a dragon.’

nayx:

is there a pizzeria called “another one bites the crust” yet and if there isnt then why not

jadefinitelyfelt:

earthnation:

earthnation:

what did one cell say to his sister cell that stepped on his toe

mitosis

I JUST SRARTED CHOSCKING

knitsypurly:

u guys must be real fun at parties

merricats:

oldmanhoho:

you know you’ve made a good pun when everyone’s immediate response upon hearing it is “shut the fuck up”

#the highest compliment any pun can receive

odins-one-eyed-fuck:

masterassman:

jaclcfrost:

i should not be allowed to write character dialogue: the montage

imageimage

image

image

Reasons You Should Write Character Dialogue: A Montage

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING THAT HAS THIS BECAUSE I WANT TO READ IT SEVEN TIMES

sp00pbending:

headline: six professors of pokemon biology have had their scientific findings discredited after discovery that all of their field research was conducted by 10 year old children in stupid hats

girilla-warfare:

the-average-gatsby:

the-average-gatsby:

how do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber

ask them to pronounce “unionized”

Holy crap thats clever

It took me 5 minutes to get this

depressionista:

                                distraptor
velociraptor =     ———————-

                               timeraptor

postllimit:

why iphones gotta take two million years to turn back on after they die like you plug em in and you’re all ready to start texting again but they’re like “nope. i gotta take some time for myself. figure out who i am. you hurt me too much the last time. let me think.”

inbox:

this is the funniest scene of modern family in all of tv history

damittspookyromney:

bloodyoathmate:

My mum’s friends at work are having a baby and their last name is watts so they were trying work out a name for it, i suggested 60 and they both looked confused so i said maybe 20 would suit them better 

image

ladyspirits:

theprettygoodgatsby:

my favorite part of hamlet is at the beginning when they see the ghost of hamlet sr for the first time

and the guards are like “Horatio, you go talk to it! You went to college!”

and Horatio is like “Yeah! I did go to college! I will go talk to the ghost!”

like. where did horatio go to college. did he go to ghost college